Mary Sue Comes to Hogwarts

Author - Lorelei Phantomwall
Genre - Humor
Keywords - Snape, Mary Sue, Draco, Harry, Hermione, Love potion,
youth potion, polyjuice potion, farce
Spoilers -
All books,
including Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
Rated PG
 Summary - Mary Sue Roberts comes to Hogwarts, and the whole school goes crazy.
Disclaimer - This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by
JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic
Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright
or trademark infringement is intended. Only the words belong to me. And Mary Sue
almost belongs to me.
Author's Notes - Sorry I took so long, I didn't know that many people would actually like it. Let me know how you like this chapter.


Professor Snape glared at Draco. Draco gulped. He had forgotten to think about the reaction people would have to his house switch. The other Slytherins glared at him. That was the end of his popularity, but he hadn't reached the lowest that he could sink yet. He knew that he would become even more unpopular once Mary Sue became his girlfriend.

Professor Snape looked at Mary Sue. Another stupid Gryffindor. Actually, she was better than another stupid Gryffindor. She was beautiful. She was exactly the type of person he would have wanted to date when he was in school. Even now he loved her. If only he was a teenager again...

Snape had a brilliant idea. The corners of his mouth curled into an evil smile. He was a potions master, he had all the ingredients for a potion in his office.

Mary Sue sat next to Draco. All the boys in the room stared. Draco

grinned. She liked him, he knew it.

Hermione glared at Mary Sue and Draco. "Look at her, always the center

of attention, she's so perfect. I hate her." Hermione had a very bad case

of jealousy. Parvati and Lavender admired Mary Sue, they thought she

was the best friend any girl could ever have. Hermione didn't want any

friends that were better than her.

Maybe if she could convince people that Mary Sue was a jerk. Hermione

remembered the polyjuice potion she made in 2nd year. Hermione's lips

curled into an evil smile.

"Please take out your books and turn to page 238." Snape said, his gaze

never leaving Mary Sue.

Page 238 was about Aging and De-Aging Potions. Mary Sue was an

expert at these already. "Oh, I just love potions." she said, her voice

sounded like music.

Hermione rolled her eyes.

The class stared at Snape. He was just staring at Mary Sue, it was if he

had forgotten he had a class to teach. No one was sure exactly what to

say to him. After fifteen minutes Mary Sue spoke "Excuse me Professor,

you forgot to give us instructions."

"50 points to Gryffindor." he said in a dazed voice. The class started

laughing. Snape looked confused "100 points from Slytherin."

Snape seemed to come to his senses all of a sudden. "What are you

waiting for? Start reading! 10 points from Gryffindor and Slytherin." he


The students started reading. Mary Sue skimmed through the chapter.

"For homework write an essay about which age you would change to if

you could use an aging or De-aging potion." Snape barked.

At the end of class Mary Sue had quite a crowd surrounding her as she

walked to Defense Against Dark Arts. Draco, Parvati, and Lavender were

next to her, and Harry, Ron, and Seamus were behind her. Hermione

trailed far behind the group of Gryffindors.

"'Ello, students. Please take a seat." The new Defense Against Dark Arts

had long silvery blond hair and blue eyes. Hermione recognized her as

Fleur Delacour.

"Oh, hi." the Gryffindors said at the same time. The boys seemed rather

bored. Fleur Delacour's veela charm had no effect when Mary Sue was


Fleur seemed rather disappointed at this dull reaction. "For zose of you

who do not know me, I am Professor Delacour." she said in a dramatic


The class was not impressed.

"Today's lesson eez about charms for protection against werewolves."

she pointed to a stick figure drawing of a werewolf and a human on the

chalk board. "Does anyone know one of zose charms?"

Only two hands rose- Mary Sue's and Hermione's. Unfortunately for

Hermione who was determined to keep her title as the cleverest witch,

Mary Sue rose her hand first.

* * * *

Snape let the magical fire burn. He let out an evil laugh. In a few hours

he would create an ashwinder. He would follow it's trail of ashes, and

when it laid it's eggs he would freeze them and use them for his love


"Burn, baby, burn! Muahahahahahaha!" Snape knew that love potions

weren't allowed in Hogwarts, but he was crazy for Mary Sue Roberts. Even

though love potions were mostly used by women, that didn't mean he was

one despite the unusual amount of hair gel he used. But he hadn't

shampooed his hair in 5 years, in fact today was the anniversary of the

last time he had shampooed.

But that was about to change. Snape checked his ingredients. He had

everything he would need for the potion; mandrake root, an orange, and

some wine.

As for his De-Aging potion, he decided to buy a potion from the store that

considered a women's store. It was very hard for him to choose the age

he wanted when he looked at the potions, he was tempted to de-age to

his early teens so he could live his childhood again, but he decided on

early twenties in the end. After all, how could Mary Sue resist a slightly

older man who was just as hot as any boy at the school?

Snape gulped down the potion, instantly he began to feel the effects of

the potion. His skin became smooth, he could feel his nose straighten


Snape looked in a cracked mirror and let out an evil laugh. Now it was

time to wash and cut his hair.

* * * *

"Mooncalves?" echoed Harry "What are those?"

Hermione opened her mouth to tell Harry but Mary Sue beat her to it

again. "Mooncalves are flat footed creatures with bulging eyes. They only

come out at the full moon."

"Right yeh are." Hagrid said "And that's why I talked to Professors Snape

and McGonagall about all of yeh coming outside with me to observe a

Mooncalf. After we observe it we will collect it's dung and give it to

Professor Sprout to help her plants grow."

"Wow, just what I always wanted to do." Draco rolled his eyes "Why would

anyone want to touch Mooncalf s^!?"

"20 points from Slytherin for that Malfoy."

Draco smirked but didn't say anything. Unfortunately for him he didn't see

Millicent Bulstrode creep up from behind him. She quickly tackled him to

the ground. Draco's mouth filled with blood.

"50 points from Slytherin for that. Imagine that, turnin' on yer own house

mates." Hagrid shook his head "Malfoy go see Madame Pomfrey."

"Professor, Malfoy's not in Slytherin anymore. He switched houses."

Pansy Parkinson pointed out with a scowl on her face.

"Oh, yeah. I fergot. Slytherin doesn't lose 20 points." Pansy Parkinson

smiled as Hagrid spoke. "Imagine a spoiled git like that in Gryffindor.

What was Dumbledore thinkin'?" Hagrid muttered softly. Most of the class

stopped listening as Hagrid began a long and boring lecture on


Harry smiled to himself. Finally Draco was away from Mary Sue. Harry

walked over to her but then he stopped. Ron was talking to her. Harry ran

over to where Ron and Mary Sue were talking. He was consumed by

anger, forgetting to be rational "I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND

WEASLEY. TRAITOR!" Harry lunged at Ron.

"What is going on here?" Mary Sue stood up.

Harry blushed. He had just made a fool of himself.

Before Harry could say anything more Ron interrupted "I thought you were

my friend too Harry," he said coldy "but I guess you're not."

"Stop that." Mary Sue said soothingly. "I don't know exactly what's going

on her, but a good friendship like yours shouldn't go to waste."

"You're right, Mary Sue." Harry looked at the ground "I'm sorry Ron, it was

my fault."

"I forgive you." Ron said in reply.

Hagrid finished his lecture. He seemed to have no clue that nobody had

listened to him. "Thanks for being such good listeners, see yeh all


* * * *

"Draco, I have something to show you." Mary Sue said as she pulled

Draco into an empty classroom.

Draco smiled. "What is it?"

In the empty classroom was an ape like creature with long silvery hair.

Draco could not even see it's eyes because it's hair was so long. Draco

was disappointed, but he tried not to let it show.

"It's a demiguise." Mary Sue's turquoise eyes were all lit up.

"B- but don't you have to be really skilled to capture it? Not, that I'm saying

you're a squib or anything..." Draco was kind of startled, he'd read about

Demiguises in a book and it said that Demiguises could become

invisible to avoid capture.

"I understand. I have my ways at capturing creatures like these." Mary

Sue giggled. Her laughter made the whole room seem brighter.

"What are we going to do with it?" Draco asked.

"Duh, we're going to make an invisibility cloak." Mary Sue grinned


"Mary Sue, you're the coolest." The moments he spent with Mary Sue

were the best of his life. She truly had changed him from a spoiled, little

future Death Eater to a sensitive, carefree teenager.

Mary Sue handed him a pair of scissors "Come on, help me cut it's hair".

Draco reluctantly took the scissors. He was disappointed, he had hope

for a snogging session or something, but working on a project like this

with her was enough for now.

"We never have had a really serious conversation, Draco." she said slyly.

"That's part of the real reason I wanted to do this with you."

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Draco said slowly, having serious

conversations weren't his thing. It was very awkward talking to Mary Sue

like this.

"How about books?" Mary Sue's turquoise eyes lit up.

"Books are boring. All they ever do is remind you of school and reality."

Draco shrugged. He always hated books. All they did was for him was

teach him spells and potions.

"Obviously you haven't read any fiction books." Mary Sue's smile made

Draco feel less embarassed about hating books.

"My dad thought those were all wasteful. Especially ones with muggles

in them. My whole family hates muggles." Draco had never told this to

anyone else, no one else had really been interested in his family other

than to find out about their money.

"Muggles aren't bad at all. You know, muggles could teach us a thing or

two about life."

"What do you mean? We have magic and all that stuff."

"Well, first of all they've survived all these years without magic. And

second, muggles could teach wizards a few things about how to treat

others." Mary Sue waited for Draco's response.

"I wouldn't know. I don't really know much about muggles." Draco looked

at the floor.

"Hey, it's okay that you don't know much about muggles. We can talk

about something else." Draco looked up at Mary Sue gratefully.

"Let's talk about..." Draco struggled to think of a topic "classes."

"Sure. What's your favorite class?" Mary Sue asked.

"Ummm..." Draco sat there for a while, when he was near Mary Sue the

only think he could think about was her. "Well, I like Potions."

"Why? It's not like we really do anything there. The teacher seems like a

total idiot if you ask me."

* * * *

Snape had done a terrible job washing his hair. He had even tried to dye

his hair platinum blond to hide his mistakes. There was only one option

left. He would have to shave off his hair.

Snape looked into the mirror one last time. Then he pulled out a razor

and began to shave off his hair. "Owwww!" he exclaimed. He could feel

blood pouring out of his scalp. He took some band aids out of his First

Aid kit and put them on his head. He looked into the mirror and began to

frown when he saw how stupid he looked. That wasn't really a problem

for Snape, he had other tricks up his sleeve anyway. He opened up his

closet and pulled out blond afro wig.

"This is not good." he said to himself. If you listened closely you could tell

that he was insane.

He may have been insane but he was not an idiot (A/N: Actually, maybe

he is). He put on the wig and apparated to the wig store.